Alone

So my friend Jessica sent me a Halloween card.  

She told me she was sending it, and to be looking for it.  Furthermore, she told me that when I received it, I should make sure and open it in public, preferably in the vicinity of the most attractive guys available.  Unfortunately, since no such men crossed my path in the very short distance between the mail room and my apartment, there was no one there to witness the glories of this card.

(Jessica, I found this pic online, I didn't take off your notes)

Inside an envelope plastered with Disney Princess stickers was a Twilight-inspired Halloween card, with Taylor Lautner and Robert Pattinson staring up at me with what I presume are the most smoldering stares they could muster (although Taylor's picture seems to more to say "Yes, I'm sexy," while Robert looks more like he's in the middle of an intense staring contest).  Then I open the card (which incidentally is wishing me to "Have a Happy Halloween, filled with treats of EVERY kind").  And when I open the card, I am accosted by an onslaught of emo violins, while the two guys tell me in dramatic voices that they will "promise to love me every moment forever" and "will fight for me until my heart stops beating."  I imagine teenage girls opening this card over and over again, squealing a bit louder every time.  (I feel it is appropriate to note here that my friend included a hefty amount of sarcastic comments on this card, putting both of us far outside the squealy girl realm). 

I've seen the Twilight movies.  Although, I go more to mock their oozing melodrama more than anything else.  No offense to any Twilight fans out there...teen angst mixed with mythological creatures just isn't my cup of tea.  In fact, it kind of bugs me how big of a phenomenon the whole Twilight thing has become.  It especially bugs me when I hear teenagers say that it's the best book they've ever read.  I want to strap them down and force them to read Alexandre Dumas.

It's obvious why the books (and movies) are so popular though; they cater to the desire to be loved.  Particularly, they cater to the desire instilled in every girl from a very young age to be loved by some perfect guy who will sweep them up from their mundane existence and give them everything they've ever wanted.

Let's look at Bella for a second.  Bella's possibly the most unremarkable person ever.  But for some reason, she's the one that Edward latches on to (after he's done being nauseated at the smell of her hair, of course).  And because of his (literally) shiny Edward Cullen-ness, Bella latches on to him as well...even as she knows it's bad for her, and is going to get her entangled in all sorts of vampirical struggles.  Isn't it romantic?

I think it's stupid.

But I get it.  Because if you have it hammered into you from a young age that it's bad to be alone, you'll grab hold of anything to keep from being alone.

I'm not a fan of being alone myself, to be quite honest.  I recently moved from Kentucky (where I had an abundance of friends at my fingertips at all hours of the day or night) to Texas (where I have made several new friends, but who still lack in quantity compared to the plethora of people in Lexington).  And, lacking a roommate and having my friends spread over a city rather than over a tiny campus, I find myself alone rather frequently.  It gets rough occasionally.  Combine this with a greater awareness of singledom brought on by increased viewing of chick flicks to fill up empty time, and it can be downright depressing.

And the truly stupid thing in all this is that I'm never actually alone.  

God's always hanging out with me.

It's just that lately I haven't really been wanting to hang out with God.

It's not God, it's me.  And it's not just me...it's kind of all of us.

When there's a thousand other things calling out to us, saying that they'll cure our need for fulfillment, it's insanely easy to make God into a last resort.  Maybe shopping will make us feel better, or losing weight, or eating our weight in Krispy Kremes, or working out, or watching movies, or having a boyfriend, or getting all As, or being in love, or being super popular.  

I'm tired of everybody talking about how their significant other "completes them."  God is the only thing that actually completes anyone...no matter what else we try and stick in the way.  But how are we supposed to hear God if there's a thousand other things in the way?  If we're chasing after something else, we'll never be able to chase fully after God.

The thing is, God's always chasing after us, even if we're not looking for God.

Did you ever stop and think that maybe sitting around wallowing in aloneness is in itself a way of running away from God?  A form of self-worship?  That by constantly complaining about YOU being lonely, about YOU being left out, about YOU not being romantically entangled with someone, about YOU not having enough friends, you're keeping God from being able to truly fulfill you?

I think that's my problem.  In the end, I'm no better than Bella; I latch onto things that I know will never fulfill me, hoping that God will just do all the work.

But I feel like living in harmony with God is a lot like singing a duet.  If the two parts aren't in tune with one another, it's just a mess.  And God has perfect pitch, so you know he's not going to mess up...if things sound all disastrous and out of tune, it's because you've decided to sing some other song.  Sure, there may be some dissonant chords in there that sound wrong and strange and don't seem to make sense at the time...but if God's singing "Hallelujah" and you're singing "Hit Me Baby One More Time", it's probably not what God intended.  But likewise, when our lives are going well because we've aligned them with God's will and focused our attention on God, it shouldn't come as a shock; such a lifestyle should be our natural response to God's love. Otherwise, it's like singing a duet and then being surprised when another voice comes in.


And anyway, I'm pretty sure that God never gets nauseated at the smell of my hair...

(Nothing like making a guy feel nauseous to make a girl feel beautiful)